Maybe It Wasn’t That I Was Bad at School

 

Author’s Note:
Returning to school later in life has given me a new lens on my past. What I once thought was failure, I now recognize as something I simply didn’t understand yet. If this helps even one person feel less alone, it’s worth sharing.

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I was actually very smart in school.

Textbook smart.
I could read the material.
I could memorize it.
I could pass the tests.

But somewhere along the way, something shifted.

After my junior year at Tulane, studying Mechanical Engineering, I started struggling — not with effort, but with application. I knew what the book said, but turning that knowledge into real understanding felt hard. When asked to explain what I thought about what I read, my mind often went blank.

It was confusing, because I knew I was capable.

At the same time, I didn’t feel like I had the kind of support that we later made sure our own kids had in college. There wasn’t encouragement to ask questions, to slow down, or to admit when something didn’t click. And student resources — if they existed — weren’t obvious, accessible, or normalized the way they are now.

Mostly, I didn’t even know how to ask for help.

So I did what many students did back then.
I pushed through.
I stayed quiet.
I assumed the struggle meant I just wasn’t cut out for it.

Looking back, I see it differently now.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t intelligent.
It wasn’t that I didn’t work hard enough.

It was that no one ever taught me how I learn — or gave me permission to learn differently.

Could someone have a learning difference like:

• Difficulty applying information even when they understand it

• Trouble with abstract or open-ended questions

• Needing time and space to turn facts into meaning

Yes.
And guess what?

👉 Those students are often very successful when they’re taught differently.

Many adults don’t discover this until much later in life — not because they weren’t capable, but because the systems back then weren’t built for reflection, flexibility, or support. You either kept up, or you quietly fell behind.

Now, returning to school as an adult, I’m realizing something freeing:

I don’t need things simplified.
I need time to process.
I need context.
I need permission to think before I respond.

And the resources that exist now — tutoring, explanations, grace, encouragement — have changed everything. Not because I’m smarter than I was then… but because I finally understand myself better.

If you’ve ever felt smart but stuck… capable but unsure…
maybe it wasn’t that you didn’t understand.

Maybe you just didn’t have the support, the tools, or the language yet.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” — James 1:5

Grace applies to learning too.

💛
Still learning. Still growing. Still grateful.

#LearningDifferently #AdultLearner #SecondChances #FaithAndGrowth #EmptyNestSeason #NeverTooLate #GraceOverGrades